Raising Boys: Jemma, Walter & Bo Clayton

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Jemma at home with her eldest son Walter, and baby daughter Luka. Picture / Rebecca Zephyr Thomas

In her home in the leafy suburb of Titirangi, 28-year-old model and mum Jemma Clayton is enjoying some peace while two of her four children are out of the house during the school holidays. Her laid-back outfit of jeans, a long-sleeved top and bare feet does nothing to detract from her striking beauty — luminous clear eyes framed by dark hair and freckled skin.

Her eldest son, 6-year-old Walter, is perched at the kitchen counter entertaining himself with Play-Doh, and 1-year-old baby Luka sits firmly attached to her hip.

Becoming a mother at the age of 20 was not without its challenges, says Jemma. “I was so young. I didn’t know what to expect and I didn’t have a lot of help from family… It was like, ‘if you want to be a young mum, you’re in this by yourself’. So I was thrown in the deep end, but with hindsight, that was good because even though I had to learn everything the hard way, I learned not to rely on anyone.”

Walter was diagnosed with autism at 2 years and 2 months old.

Speaking of the journey she and husband Luther have had with Walter, she says: “It was hard at first. He hardly ever slept and would scream when he was having a bath as a newborn — looking back I think that was a sensory thing, he was overloaded. He wouldn’t make eye contact with us as a toddler, which is one of the symptoms of autism, but initially, we thought he was deaf. When we got the all-clear with his hearing, that’s when we went down the autism path.”

Recently, things have improved thanks to the care and support they’ve been receiving from his ORS-funded educational therapists in a satellite class at his sister’s school. He has physiotherapists working with him every week, as well as speech and language, dance and music therapists.

“Being in contact with the right people and having good support networks has helped him to develop into this amazing little child, and we just embrace who he is. We’re not trying to put him in a box or make him ‘normal’, because he’s not — he sees the world differently.”

Jemma doesn’t hesitate when asked if she’s noticed any differences between raising her sons and daughters (her eldest daughter Isla is 8).

“Yes! I think boys can be easier than girls... I’m quite a tomboy, so it’s funny having girls but I enjoy it. My 3-year-old son Bo — I mean, Walter’s a bit different — but Bo is just happy-go-lucky all the time. Sometimes I just have to say to Isla ‘it’s okay!’.”

An early piece of advice that has stuck with her since having children, were the words of their GP.

“Probably the only piece of advice I got in regards to raising kids was when Walter was diagnosed. We weren’t grieving, but at a loss, and facing the unknown. Our GP said to us: ‘Just love him. Shower him with love, and he’s going to thrive.’ We would have done that anyway, but hearing that was helpful for all our kids — even if they’re in trouble, if you come at it from a place of love, as cheesy as that sounds, I think that’s a good approach. We need lots of that in this world.”

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