It’s 2008 and you’re wearing Stolen Girlfriends Club. Thank the Lord you can finally ditch those God awful Ksubi jeans you got in Sydney. You’ve also decided you’re intolerant to gluten and eat quinoa for most meals. 'Shut Up' and 'Let Me Go' by the Ting Tings plays softly through the headphones of your iPod classic.
It’s 2009 and, gluten intolerance forgotten, you’re wearing a 1970s blazer by Anjali Stewart and Rachel Easting for their label Twenty-Seven Names (formerly Love Lies Bleeding, remember!?) while Gossip’s 'Heavy Cross' blasts on the stereo.
It’s 2010 and you’re wearing a maxi-length gold sequinned kaftan from Yvonne Bennetti. R.I.P Alexander McQueen. Bat For Lashes performs her ethereal single 'Daniel'.
It’s 2011 and you’re eating a kale salad (everyone says it’s the new superfood) and kickin’ it in Kathryn Wilson boots straight off the NZFW runway.
It’s 2012 and you’re wearing a graphic T-shirt and own-brand denims by Adrian Hailwood.
It’s 2013 and you’re wearing yellow Emilia Wickstead — just like her big fan Kate Middleton wore at the Queen’s garden party — while you queue for 45 minutes at your local bakery for a Cronut, humming 'Get Lucky' by Pharrell Williams and Daft Punk.
It’s 2014 and you’re sipping on a craft beer wearing Yeezys and sitting front row at his Vanessa Beecroft-styled runway show.
It’s 2015 and you’re back to classics wearing a lacy Ingrid Starnes blouse with a silk velvet Juliette Hogan pleated skirt.
It’s 2016 and you’re wearing a pouf-sleeved black blouse by Maggie Marilyn just like Karlie Kloss in British Vogue. Luckily it matches your charcoal smoothie.
It’s 2017 and you’re wearing a Harman Grubisa trench like the one Jacinda Ardern wore, in US Vogue.
It’s 2018 and Demna Gvasalia has blown fashion apart. You’re wearing his ugly sneakers at Balenciaga and maybe you’re still wearing his Vetements DHL shirt, but everyone thinks you’re a courier. You leg it to your local cafe where they serve you a steaming bowl of bone broth as you check your three Instagram accounts and listen to 'Bodak Yellow' by Cardi B on your wireless AirPod headphones, becauseeveryone’s multi-tasking, right?